I promised some time ago (Welcome To Albia) that I would give my readers an outline of Albia's culture and history. Having given some idea of St Gozondor, the country's patron, it is now time to turn to the country itself. A small country, nestled on the edge of what was, for the latter half of the last century, referred to as “Western Europe” , Albia’s first substantial entry into history came with its invasion by forces under Julius Caesar in 55 BC, an invasion which led the Roman leader to remark – as so many centuries of schoolboys have been taught – “Veni, vedi, despexi” … … “I came, I saw, I despised”.
Notwithstanding the views of the soon-to-be divine Julius, however, within a mere one hundred years, Albia found itself being colonised by the Romans, this time under the leadership of Claudius Caesar. Perhaps those of you with a knowledge of classical history, or – more likely in this benighted age - who had the privilege of watching the BBC’s magnificent “I Claudius” series will remember that the eponymous emperor – played so memorably by Derek Jacobi - was a drooling idiot.
The Romans were to remain in Albia – rather as I feel myself to have done – for over 300 years. Having taught the native Albians the benefits of literacy and numeracy, of road-building and bathing, of medicine and basic sewerage, the Romans left in 450 AD. The Albians, like the Britons, promptly forgot everything they were taught; Albia entered it's Dark Age: an age which, judging by the fact that this cybercafe has just been plunged into darkness due to the erratic Albian electricity supply, Albia has yet to leave.